4-exercises-to-turn-toxic-relationships-into-healthy-1

4 exercises to turn toxic relationships into healthy

Love is a kind of dance in which we are either approaching a partner, we move away. At some moments, I would like to be closer, at others-to be alone with you. Someone needs more communication, someone more independence. Sometimes this difference in needs leads to toxic relationships. Is there a different way out of the situation, except for parting?

There are two ways to stop toxic relationships. The first is to break with a partner and build further life with someone else. The second is to consider problems in relationships as an opportunity for your own spiritual growth.

Despite the fact that in such a relationship you are on different sides of the barricades, the couple still may have the future. And a good future. But this will work only if you recognize the presence of a problem and both are ready to learn understanding and respect, accept each other as they are. If not, very quickly from the phase “Hold the hands” you will go to the phase “Show each other with a finger”.

If you suffocate from the “proximity” of the partner or suffer from the fact that you are intentionally ignored, the best that you can do is to calmly and frankly talk about it. Studying the moments that cause pain or discomfort together, you can not only get to know each other better, but also better understand what everyone needs and are you able to give it.

Exercise number 1: Talk

This is not a banal advice. If one of you or both has become bad in a relationship, first of all discuss the experiences with a partner.

Important: There can be no correct and wrong answers, everyone perceives the situation in their own way and has the right. The essence of the exercise is not to come to a consensus, but to be able to hear and understand each other. If you have different points of view, this is normal, they both have the right to exist.

While we believe that the truth is only on our side, we will not be able to hear and understand the feelings of another. But admitting the idea that the partner can also be right, we will discover a new path that will lead to a joint search for a solution. Each conflict has two sides. As soon as we accept this thought and cease to consider our judgments the truth in the last instance, it becomes easier for us to understand the partner.

How to perform exercise. Remember the last Globalpharmacy 24 quarrel and evaluate feelings on a scale from 1 (“That I felt”) to 5 (“I did not feel anything like”):

• I defended myself.
• I was sad.
• I felt incomprehensible.
• It hurt me.
• I felt me ​​criticized.
• I felt rejected.
• I wanted to leave.
• I felt that my opinion does not matter.
• I was worried.
• I was lonely.

Think about what caused these feelings. Evaluate the reasons that could cause them on a scale from 1 (“That is what I felt”) to 5 (“I did not experience anything similar”):

• I felt unimportant for a partner.
• I felt cold in relation to a partner.
• I felt that they reject me.
• I felt that they demand too much from me.
• I felt that my partner did not let me in.
• I did not feel the proximity between us.
• I did not feel attachment.
• I felt my self -esteem was infringed.
• I could not attract the attention of a partner.
• I felt that the partner was trying to dominate.

Exercise number 2: look into the past

If you have to understand your emotional reactions, it’s time to go into the past. Unfilled wounds from past relations or relationships with parents can affect how we communicate with a loved one, react to his words and actions. Try to find a connection between the current reactions and events of the past.

Important: If you have ever experienced sexual violence, harassment or other serious psychological injuries and a partner does not know about it, now is the time to tell him everything. When we share our pain with a loved one, this helps him much better understand us and our reactions and allows you to build communication more carefully and consciously.

How to perform exercise. Evaluate which of these statements the best describes your feelings. When the partner offended you, this reminded you:

• About previous relationships that ended badly.
• About past emotional and psychological injuries.
• About how parents treated you.
• About the deepest fears.
• About unfulfilled dreams.
• About the events with which you have not yet come to terms.
• About how other people treated you.
• About everything bad that you think about yourself.
• About nightmares that do not allow to sleep.

Explore each other’s answers, take your time, ask open questions so that the answer allows you to better understand your loved one. This is not a competition, who is worse or who is more right, but a way to understand the deepest fears and injuries of a partner, give and get support. If he tells you something shocking, ask to tell more about the feelings and experiences associated with this event. One answer will work better than years of attempts to understand why he behaves like that.

Exercise number 3: Write down your points of view

Briefly set out your position and partner position about a quarrel on paper. As soon as you do this, you will see that everyone has their own vision of the situation. We are all complex people, and emotional reactions are determined by past experience, expectations and desires.

Exercise No. 4: Determine your role

When something goes wrong in the relationship, we begin to look for the reason in the partner and blame him for everything. No one is actually guilty. To get out of the circle of mutual accusations, both must take responsibility for what is happening and admit that they play a certain role. To figure out which, use a list of reasons that could cause you an increased need for intimacy or, conversely, an increased need for independence.

Important: Do not go to the exercise if you are angry and upset. When emotions go over, it is difficult to adequately evaluate what is happening and we are more likely to blame the partner. Try to concentrate on everything good that is in a relationship.

Step 1: Determine why you are ready to take responsibility. Evaluate the statements on the scale from 1 (“That is what I felt”) to 5 (“I did not feel anything like”):

• Recently, it is extremely sensitive.
• Recently, I have shown little attention to my partner.
• Because of stress, I am constantly annoyed.
• I often criticize a partner.
• I stopped telling my partner about what is happening in my life.
• I feel depressed.
• I hid a grudge against something.
• I stopped showing love and tenderness for a partner.
• I began to listen to my partner inattentively.

Step 2: Write down the conclusion for yourself: “Now I see that the problems in the relationship have arisen/aggravated, including because I …”

Step 3: Write down how you can influence the situation to change for the better: “If this is repeated, I can behave differently. For example, I will … “

Step 4: offer the partner a way that will help him to avoid such problems in the future: “So that this does not happen anymore, you can …”

The sincerely you both do the exercise, the more you “turn around” to each other. You will begin to use the conflict in order to become closer, and not to move away. Your emotional connection will become stronger, and in the end, the relationship will become so strong and conscious that together you can overcome any problem. This does not mean that you will never quarrel. Quarrels will not determine your relationship and spoil them. You will learn how to use them for the benefit of the Union.

These exercises will help a lot to learn about the partner and about themselves. This will require certain courage, because this degree of openness makes vulnerable. When partners are looking for security with accusations and removal, they think that love has left, but this is not so – they themselves allowed her to leave.

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